Request
by Tono Radish
Summary: More or less Ayanokoji x OC was requested... Arthur Leon is utterly indifferent to EVERYTHING, that is until he meets the Princess of Ouran. She requests he help her expose Haruhi as a girl. Deciding he's got nothing better to do he agrees. Things heat up quickly however and Arthur realizes that maybe he isn't so indifferent after all and that he may be falling in love.
1. The Princess Is Here

**Lol so… I had been really winding down on fanfiction if only for lack of motivation but Anzac-A1 sent me this request "** **While at Ouran one day (a month or two after Episode 1), Princess Ayanokoji notices (OC). Thinking he seems to her liking, she discovers that his family recently moved to Japan from France because of (OC)'s father's latest business venture (exactly what isn't really important, but if you think of something, feel free to include it). While Princess Ayanokoji initially intends only to claim the new student as a toy for her amusement, she finds herself unexpectedly falling in love. While unbeknownst to her, (OC) is falling for her as well." As well as a list of what the OC looks like so… here goes nothing XD**

To put it bluntly I was never popular with girls. Maybe it could be my lack of personality or maybe it was my glasses? Some young men wear glasses and girls look at them with literal hearts in their eyes and others, like me, just have glasses on. I'm not the cool glasses type, I'm not even the nerdy glasses type, I'm just a guy who wears glasses. My glasses will never define me. So then, who am I? What does define me?

To start my name is Arthur Leon. My mother is from New Zealand and my Father is French. Mom and Dad recently divorced but I'm not so bitter about it, actually it has yet to really affect me at all? I didn't even realize they were married until I was around 10? Anyway this divorce has me living with my Dad if only because Mom really scored on the settlement and is now travelling around the world.

My Dad and I lived in France for a while when he met a Mr. Suoh who also is chairman of an academy in Japan called "Ouran." They became drinking buddies and business was booming in Japan for my Dad and whatever company he ran so we moved to Japan. Now I'm here at Ouran. I'm a second year, just like Mr. Suoh's son. I guess my Dad had always planned to move us to Japan since he had shoved me in language and culture lessons after the divorce. Fine by me, I had nothing better to do.

So that's why I'm here at Ouran. It happened right away, I met the son of Mr. Suoh. He was, by all means, the most beautiful man alive. I just stared at him. He was blonde, he had sparkling blue purple eyes, his smile was like a second sun warming the earth, providing an eternal summer for Japan. His voice was like silk, he was tall, and he was genuinely the nicest guy alive. One glance and you could tell everyone, boy or girl, was in love with him and I was no different in that respect. He was the kind of super hero everybody wanted to be as a kid.

However I was not up to par. It did not matter how kind or socially apt one was, I always managed to fail somehow. He'd say "hello," I'd only nod. He'd give me a hug; I'd turn to stone. He'd try speaking French to me, assuming my Japanese wasn't so great; I'd simply nod again. He was just so… intimidating, even though he didn't mean to be. We were just too different and I think he understood that. He in no way ignored me but our brief encounters became much softer, I guess I appreciated it.

His name was Tamaki Suoh and he is the root of my story. Her name is Princess Ayanokoji, a third year. Like me, and everyone else, she was in love with Tamaki Suoh. Princess Ayanokoji, that's what they called her. To be honest, I don't know her first name. I don't even know if she has one? It doesn't really matter; a first name or not I still wish we had never met.

"I find you vaguely interesting," she said to me one lunch period, "I've seen you around and for now I'd like you to be my newest play thing."

I didn't know exactly what she meant when she said, "play thing." But she was so pretty and so elegant I simply nodded, having nothing better to do,

"Okay."

It was weird, at first she barely acknowledged me. Actually it was as if I didn't exist to her. That was fine by me. I quickly slipped into a literary club. It was a group of young men like me that didn't quite stand out or care to. There was one female member but she hasn't come around lately. The boys of the literary club were always mentioning a Host club as the root of their woes as well as the reason for the disappearance of the one female member. Apparently this school was famous for being more than an academy for the super rich and beautiful, with the ordinary sprinkled in on the side. Apparently it was also housing a club full of the most handsome and wealthy boys. In the club, they called "Host," they would entertain the romantic fantasies of beautiful young girls... in which there are no not beautiful girls… apparently.

It was one month since I first spoke to Princess Ayanokoji, actually I had more or less forgotten she existed. She appeared to me once again one lunch period with a request equally as strange as the first.

"I'd like you to make friends with first year Haruhi Fujioka."

"Who?"

"She's a girl parading around as a boy, you're going to help me expose her."

"Why?"

"That lowly commoner is such an inconvenience to Tamaki. He carries her around and helps her because her background is new to him. She's clearly taking advantage of Tamaki's kindness."

"You just sound jealous to me."

She poured her tea on me. I sighed, "Fine, I see your point. I don't have anything better to do. What's the plan?"

The truth was I didn't particularly care about Princess Ayanokoji's unrequited love. One could speculate if her feelings for Tamaki were genuine or not, due to her obviously possessive nature, but even blind as a bat I could see that Tamaki only treated her as a guest. Princess Ayanokoji has to be the best and have the best. She's the prettiest, richest, and smartest third year. Why shouldn't she have Tamaki Suoh? Is it really as simple as growing up with everything you want you forget what you need? All I wanna know is why pick me of all people to help her ruin the life of some cross-dressing girl?

Then again, why am I complaining… I have nothing better to do.

 **First chapter of chapters. Let me know what you think. Originally Arthur's personality was going to be like Kyoya only where Kyoya is indifferent on top but kind inside, Arthur would be indifferent on top but malicious inside. But then I realized he probably wouldn't care much for Ayanokoji's "plot" so I decided to give him just all around indifference. Arthur's the kind of guy who can't go to a soda fountain when other people are around because he doesn't know what they'll think of what he picks to drink even though no one cares.**


	2. Are We The Protagonists?

I hid in the bushes with binoculars and a camo war helmet on my head, "So, how'd you figure out Haruhi was a girl? She's pretty convincing as a guy."

Princess Ayanokoji sat on an iron outdoor chair under a parasol. She held a hot and delicate cup of tea in her hands, "Call it a woman's intuition."

"What if Tamaki was just gay?"

"Oh please, Tamaki could never be gay."

"What makes you say that?"

She straightened her posture even more, if that were possible, and said quite surely, "Because this anime is obviously a romantic school comedy. He and Haruhi are the two leads and the rest of them are the homosexual supporting cast."

"Okay so Haruhi and Tamaki are the two leads so there's no chance of you getting between them. And if they're supporting cast what does that make us? Following that logic forget getting between them- you're only hope now is a cameo in a filler episode-"

"SHUT UP!" She cut me off, but quickly composed herself, "Why are you in the bushes anyway?"

I sat up in the foliage, "I guess I wanted to?"

"Huh, so even guys like you have things they want."

"Everyone has something they want. For example," I talked a little more loudly, " you rEALLY WANT TAMAKI!"

"Not so loud!"

I looked at her blushing in agony through my binoculars. She's the kind of girl who hides her face in her tea cup when she's being ugly- I mean acting like a normal human being. If she keeps her face near the steam for too long her makeup is going to get weird. Maybe I should tell her.

"I don't see why you shouldn't have him though. You're not a main character but you're not ugly either. You could have potential."

She groaned at my observation, "What makes you say that, lackey?"

"This lackey happens to be in the literature club. I've read about way worse characters than you."

She didn't say anything back to me. She simply set her tea ware on the iron garden table and lowered herself down to my level in the bushes.

"Give me your binoculars. Tamaki's hair is really pretty today. I can't get a good view from here unless I have them."

"Yes, your majesty."

She snatched them from my hands, "Darn right."

She was blushing a little bit. Normally one would make a comment on it so I will do so here. You know, when she's not being a total stuck up bitch… she's less of a total stuck up bitch.

"So why do you think Haruhi is dressing like a boy?"

"Because she wants to get closer to Tamaki, of course."

"Tamaki is a decided heterosexual though, so Haruhi being a boy doesn't make sense."

She searched for words but came up with none. There's good and bad with assuming everyone is the same as you. But when I look at Haruhi I'm pretty sure she's nothing like Princess Ayanokoji. Maybe I should be friends with her instead? That would require effort though… but the princess did ask me to do so. Hmmm…

"Do you think Tamaki knows she's a girl?"

"Ummm…"

"Your highness?"

"Are you about to _slow cook_ me?"

"What? Are you trying to say _roast?_ Are you above saying _'get roasted?'"_

"Just finish what you were saying."

I almost grinned, she's totally stuck up and it's funny to me, "I think you just hate Haruhi to progress the plot. You're just jealous."

"We went over that, and can you stop breaking the fourth wall? My heart can only take so much."

I kept my mouth shut after that. We sat in the bushes while hosting activities continued a few feet away from us. I watched the cherry blossoms fall around us. There really weren't any cherry blossoms in France. They're pretty. In Japanese literature people confess under these flowers- _sakura._ A petal made its way through the leaves of the bushes and landed on my helmet. I plucked it off and considered putting it in my pocket to keep but I know I can't keep it. It'll die in my pocket and turn brown. You can't keep a cherry blossom, you can only watch it. Time waits for no one, the lesson of the cherry blossom.

"Hey Princess," I said almost to myself even though I was addressing the girl next to me.

"Hmm?" She wasn't looking at me.

"Wanna go out with me instead?"

"What are you going on about now?" She seemed bored with my statement.

I couldn't help but laugh even though it came out as more of slightly more ragged breathing. Laugh was honestly too powerful of a word for it. She's actually kind of funny.

"What are you laughing at," now she was looking at me.

"It's my own private joke."

She groaned but went back to watching the hosts do the mosts, "well laugh more quietly, I'm trying to form a plan."

"Why don't you just talk to him? Tamaki is pretty straight forward, he'll probably forgive you if you come clean."

"I don't need to do that when I have you."

"Huh?"

She gave me that evil girl grin, "Why do you think I talked to you in the first place?"

"Huh?" My _huh_ sounded more like a quack.

"Your fathers are partners and I've seen Tamaki talk to you on occasion. You've probably been to each other's houses right?"

"Well yeah?" Obviously.

"So who else can get close to Tamaki and Haruhi without having any allegiances to them? Who better than a transfer student with no past, no present, and no future? Of course I'd pick you. I mean, it's almost laughable. Did you really think I'd lower myself to your level without having something to gain? Oh, or did you actually think we were becoming friends?"

She let out a girlish ghoulish giggle like she was winning a beauty pageant. She looked at me with those sharp judging eyes. She was totally looking down on me. It was kind of cool to be honest even though I could feel myself starting to resent her.

"You know you talk a lot, Princess," I said as bored as usually say my sentences.

"That's all you're going to say?"

"What do you want me to say, that I hate you now?"

She stared at me expectantly so I elaborated, "I don't have anyone I can really call my friend here because I don't really care about those things. I only have a year left of high school and that'll be the only time I spend here with any of you. That makes my time here inconsequential and be default you inconsequential. I've already told you why I'm helping you. I have nothing better to do."

I said it flatly like everything else I say and I meant it like everything else I say. Her expression was like mine, almost unreadable. The parts I could read I didn't understand, I didn't have to.

"You only said that to hurt me."

"I know."

She took one last look at the hosting boys, club activities were almost over for the day. She set the binoculars down and crawled back out of the bushes. She dusted herself off and made her way to the front of the school where undoubtable a car has been waiting for her since it dropped her off this morning. I looked up at the sky through the new spaces between the cherry blossoms. It was getting late, I have no reason to hang back here anymore. I sent a text to my driver while approaching the front gates of the school.

I saw the princess getting into her car. Her driving closed the door behind her while I made my way over to the car. I tapped the window and she rolled it down.

"What?"

I didn't really know what to say because I didn't even know why I walked over to her car. I grabbed the ends of my glasses so the lenses in the front would move up and down. I did this for a while and she just watched me do it, her expression totally blank. Then she nodded like she understood something.

"Take off your glasses."

I did as told and squinted my eyes in attempt to see clearly which utterly failed.

She did that snooty half laugh, "you can put them back on. You're even plainer without them it turns out."

"Yeah well at least Tamaki talks to me."

"He takes pity on you."

"That's more than you have going for you."

"So what do you propose I do?"

"Well," I adjusted my glasses, "I don't know, but if you want to be a main character you're going to have to start deciding some things for yourself."

She nodded again, this time not looking at anything in particular before finally saying, "You said there was something you wanted, what is it?"

"Right now? Honestly, I could go for an orange popsicle."

"You're a moron."

"I'm a lackey."

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Probably."

"Goodbye then."

"Yeah."

She drove off and I watched her car until it turned the corner. My car arrived shortly after. The driver rolled down the window watching me look at nothing in particular.

"Sir?"

"What a bitch."

"SIR WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!"


	3. A Rich Husband

**I don't really know what possessed me to bring this story back, especially cuz the person who asked for it didn't like it. I'm just kind of bored and felt like picking up on a weirdo character without having to establish a new one. I love Goofy singing Bring Me To Life.**

 _I walked into my mom's room, well the one where her closet was. She had an entire floor to herself in this house. She had her own private movie theatre too. I found her packing her things, the divorce was finally settled. Kids always talk about how divorces damaged them growing up but I'm a grown up now and it would have been worse if they stayed together. To be honest I'm still waiting for the divorce to hit me or something? It's like how I imagine dating someone you don't like anymore is, no one gets scolded for breaking up in high school or college but marriage is a bigger deal for some reason. It's the same thing as a normal break up, isn't it?_

 _"Hey mom, so you're gonna go travel the world now?" I picked up one of her shirts crumpled on the floor, she must have dropped it in her haste._

 _"Well yeah, I still can't believe I've never been to San Trope or Lisbon," she folded her Saint Lauren blouse and put it into her Chanel travel bag from this season, complete with airplane print on the side._

 _I guess I really did spend most of time with her growing up. She's much more loud than me but I feel somewhere we are similar. I'm the same as my mom in a way I can never identify, and therefore never get rid of. I wonder if all kids come to this conclusion?_

 _"Oh cool, school doesn't start for a few months and even then it's my last year. Can I come with?"_

 _She stopped packing her bags to look at me directly, smiling, which meant the answer was no, "Arthur, you know me. I married young and now I'm not married anymore. I'm still in my thirties... Do you know what I'm saying?"_

 _"Yeah but I could go with you. I could be like your hot bachelor son or something."_

 _She laughed leaning over to touch my glasses, her acrylic nails brushing my cheek, "I had nanny buy orange Popsicles. You should go have one."_

 _"Okay, I'm assuming you want one too?"_

 _She smiled with her red orange lips and returned to packing. I've known the woman for eighteen years and I had only seen her without makeup a handful of times. I wonder what that says about her, or even me? She always bought her makeup from Dior. She said that their lipstick had the best application. From my experience of her dressing me up, I'd have to agree. When I was a kid she bought really expensive Chapstick for me. I wanted to be a man so I told her she couldn't put lipstick on me anymore. I think the chapstick was her way of meeting me in the middle. When I turned fifteen I left the house with the driver, essentially on my own, and had him buy me cheap Chapstick. I saw on the internet that Chapstick flavored like candy existed. I've been hoarding candy flavored Chapstick ever since._

 _I nodded and silently left my mom's room. I like my mom. She's generally nice to me. I wandered to the kitchen to score the Popsicles and returned to my mom's room. This house is so big they were already melting in my hand. She took the icy treat and sucked it whole. I tried to deep throat mine but gagged. There was still so much for me to learn from her._

 _"Hey mom?"_

 _"Yes sweetie?"_

 _"If you marry again he better be richer than dad."_

 _"Naturally."_

 _"And while you're away you better not ever light your own cigarette."_

 _"I thought you well. You're my perfect son."_

 _"And you're more of a sister than a mom."_

 _"Just the way I like it."_

 _"Yeah."_

 _She gave me a hug and I stiffened a little bit but relaxed returning the hold. This brief contact with my mom wasn't especially common so my heart was pounding as she held me. When I was younger it was worse and she thought I had a heart condition. It's not that, I'm just not conditioned to touch people like this._

 _She kept me there for a while and began humming some song. She's been making up songs for years. They sometimes had words but usually it's just a tune she made up. She hums when she does everything. She hugged me for a long time and never stopped humming. My arms started to feel numb. When she hugs me like this I feel like I'm consoling her somehow, although I'm not sure what might be plaguing her if there's anything at all. Is it because she'll miss me? I think I'm going to miss her?_

I stared at my homework and wondered when I had started thinking about my mom? I wondered what she was doing. I looked at my hand holding a pencil. Why was it easy to touch something like this and not my mom? Touching Tamaki was hard too, he shook my hand when we met. When I was in middle school a girl tried to hold my hand. I let her but I was really super uncomfortable the entire time so I channeled all of my power into concentrating the sweat in my body to only go to the hand she was holding. It paid off because her hand just slipped off mine from the natural lubrication! I didn't know why I was so nervous but I felt sick to my stomach and I was shaking all over even though I wasn't cold at all. My face felt hot and I was sure my knees were buckling. I was just glad to be free of her grip. As soon as she let go I apologized and went sprinting to freedom. I was actually kind of cool as a kid when I think about it so what happened?

I thought about that girl I've been hanging out with, the one who treats me like garbage and then does something funny so I forgive her. Forgive is a weird word because to forgive someone you have to have been hurt by them first. I don't feel hurt when I'm with her, even when she's trying to hurt me. I'm not sure how else to describe these weird sensations I have when I'm with her. She almost made me hate her that one time in the bushes but I followed her out to her car and wiggled my glasses at her and then we were back to normal. I didn't want to touch her or anything romantic like in one of my books, I just wanted her to look at me. I wonder what my mom would think of her? I bet mom would like her, she's kind of like my mom sometimes. They're both hella snooty.

I set down my pencil and picked up my phone to check mom's Instagram feed. I went through to like all of her photos, just like she trained me. She looked happy, happier than when she was home. She even got a fake tan. Her selfie game was pretty good, she's gotten better at smiling for cameras and working her angles to hide her stomach. Mom always said having a kid was the end of a sexy body. I noticed a guy in mom's photos coming up periodically. He looks rich. That car is expensive and his shirt is from last summer's Dolce... he must have bought her that purse, it's Dolce too.

I set down my phone and came to the stark realization… Yes my mother trained me well when it came to finding a rich husband. MY MOM HAS BEEN TRAINING ME TO MARRY WELL FROM THE START BUT ALL MY TRICKS CAME FROM HER EXPERIENCE WITH MEN WHICH MEANS I REALISTICALLY COULD ONLY LAND A RICH GUY!? Mom always said marry up even though I have plenty of my dad's money. She gave me all kinds of tricks when I came to attracting a rich man... I only know how to potentially deal with men. I don't know the first thing about flirting with rich women because all my mom ever taught me and until recently I never cared to learn how. She's been training me to find a rich husband...

Is Haruhi anything like that?

It's weird, even though I'm thinking of Haruhi I'm only thinking of her because Princess Ayanokoji told me to. Do I always do what people tell me to? I've never noticed that before. I'm a total foot soldier in my own story, I'm a lackey. I wonder if I could seduce Ayanokoji like I could probably seduce a middle aged man?

"Did you really think we were becoming friends? Yeah, she said something like that. If we weren't becoming friends then I was really misreading her signals. How can I become friends with Haruhi when I'm not even friends with her?"

I need to see an expert in getting along with people.

I sat in one of the family rooms at the Suoh second estate. I was wearing a pair of trousers and a cool T-Shirt with a picture of a piece of toast on the front. I touched my chin. I woke up this morning with an awful zit that was greenish-white and pink around the outside. I popped it with a pair of cuticle scissors and now there's an obvious red blotch on my face. Is a bloody hole better than the pimple? It's okay, as a teen no one has perfect skin. I thought about my mom again, I've never seen her with a pimple. Then I thought about all her tips and tricks to finding a rich husband. Why did she bother telling me those? Suddenly the door opened and Tamaki entered. Tamaki has perfect effing skin.

"Hello Arthur, it's not often you come to see me. What's up?" He spoke perfect French with his perfect mouth and I saw his perfect teeth and he brushed his perfect hair out of his perfect shining shimmering splendid eyes. He was rich husband material. He was mom's ideal. He was _the_ ideal.

"I wanted to take you up on your offer… uh, when we met you said I could ask you for anything," I said without looking at him, but I need his help if I'm going to help princess Ayanokoji, "it's just you're kind of hard to look at."

He laughed taking a seat on the sofa next to me, "that's alright, I get it all the time. Would you like some tea or a snack?"

"You sound like a mom," I said, chancing a look at him.

He laughed again but all he did was laugh. He has a cute laugh. I don't really wanna be Tamaki but Tamaki is what my mom would call "goals." He didn't say anything else and we sat in silence. He really is tolerant and much more likable when he's calm like this rather than the spazz I met the first week I came to Japan. I had better get to the point, that's what I normally do and that normally suits me fine.

"Tamaki you're really good with people, so I want to know how to do that," I stared at him with big frog like eyes.

"Oh? What brought this on?"

I contemplated just telling him the truth because it could be funny but I knew Princess Ayanokoji wouldn't laugh, she'd _slow cook_ me, "there's... This girl..."

His personality did a flip and he looked at me with stars in his eyes suddenly screaming, "TELL ME MORE!"

I scooted a little away from him to try and retain my hearing but he was back at me like white on rice, "she goes to our school and she's kind of hard to get to know. But I've been seeing her a lot and I really want to get along with her because maybe sometimes she's mean but she's has her cool moments too."

"WHO IS SHE," he started shaking me back and forth rapidly.

I adjusted my glasses and said quite seriously, "Haruhi Fujioka."

He suddenly stopped shaking me but his grip remained, growing even stronger. He bought the lie. I chanced a look at him but couldn't read him at all. The Tamaki I was used to was gone. He was so serious now but also kind of desperate looking.

"What makes you think Haruhi is a girl? Haruhi is the manliest man I've ever met. When have you two even spent time together? WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS WITH HARUHI!?"

"I'm kidding."

"Huh?" He seemed relieved, but still nervous. So that's how things are between them. You've got a good set of eyes Princess.

"Are you gay at all?"

"What?"

"Have you ever had any gay thoughts?"

"Where is this sudden confidence coming from?" he scooted away nervously, I don't blame him.

"You said Haruhi is a man right? Would you ever be gay with Haruhi?"

"T-That's hardly an appropriate question. We're friends, nothing more. I consider Haruhi to be one of my own children… that is… Hey Arthur. I think this is the most we've ever spoken. You're surprisingly weird."

"What do you mean, I always talk this much?" Just not with you I guess. A silence fell over us. I went too far I think. He seemed like he wanted to ask me something, an imposing question to counter my own. He went for it.

"I've seen you speaking with that third year Ayanokoji."

"You're more perceptive than you let on. Are you a descendant of Claudius?"

"I don't know who that is but I should warn you about-"

"Oh I know she's very manipulative and curt," I said easily, which made him flinch. It was the easiest thing I've ever said.

"Y-You do?"

"But even conniving, elitist, classless, classist, twisted, moronic, obsessive, jerky, petty, pretty, intelligent, funny, interesting, sexy-"

"WAIT THAT LIST TOOK A TURN!?"

"-girls like her need friends."

He paused, taking in what I said, perking up a little bit, "You two are friends?"

"She doesn't think so but she's kind of like you sometimes."

Tamaki was always interested in whoever he was talking to but he seemed particularly interested now, "How so?"

"She talks to me," If I had a cigarette I'd be blowing the smoke in his face right now. He gave me another unreadable face. Claudius, huh? I'd buy that.

"Did I mention she smells nice?" I added flatly, attempting to be funny.

He laughed politely, "then she's getting better, that's good. I'll be honest I felt bad about banning her from the club."

"Your host club? What did she do?"

"Uh- well it's in the past."

"Then can she come back?"

"Did she send you here to ask me that?"

"No, but I know she has a middle man buying your photo books when they come out. She also bought your movie and had me watch it with her. She thinks you make an excellent lonely prince."

"Oh no please," he blushed posing, "go on."

"I thought your acting was a little over dramatic at times and you kept looking into the camera which took me out of the reality. Then there was the problem of story line-"

"You can stop now."

We sat together in yet another silence. Even though the movie was a wreck I wouldn't mind a sequel. Maybe I should tell him that? I took in his features for the millionth time in the last thirty minutes. He was chiseled like Michelangelo or something. The cherubs in the sky decided that earth was finally worthy of an angel and they sent us him. He was more than a prince, he was a king. Every move he made was a checkmate if he wanted it to be. I wonder how many girls kiss photos of him before bed every night? I bet a lot. I wonder if Princess Ayanokoji kisses her poster of him? I wonder if she would let me? Maybe we could kiss him together? I'm having gay thoughts.

"Can I ask you something?" He suddenly asked me.

I looked into his eyes, leaning in a little, "anything."

I'm having very _really_ gay thoughts.

"Do you like Princess Ayanokoji?"

Do I like Princess Ayanokoji? You tell me Claudius.

"You said princess that time," I said challenging him.

He smiled knowingly leaning back and looking up at the ceiling, "I guess I did."

I leaned back and looked up with him. Tamaki could make a decent politician. I'd like him to have a secret crooked side, it's the bookworm in me that wishes for things like that. However, everything about the Suoh's was smooth, even their walls and ceilings and sofa fabric. This place was immaculate and clean. My house was like this too but still, this wasn't my house: this was Tamaki Suoh's house. I was in the lion's den. I was where a million girls wished they could always be. Perhaps I'm not in love with Tamaki, I'm just swept up in the fact someone like him exists. He glows like one of those great stars bazillion miles from earth that still shines like crazy, you can't miss him.

"Can I put my glasses on you?"

"Alright."

I faced him and put my glasses on him, going completely blind, he did as well. Would even my plain guy glasses be able to dim that light? I took a picture of him and put my glasses back on and we took a look at the photo. Nope, not even I was enough to put him out.

"You look good."

He smiled, "thank you."

I went to see Princess Ayanokoji after I left Tamaki's place. I didn't learn anything about getting along with people. I did learn a few things about myself. I'm absolutely potential for homosexual supporting cast in the story of the Princess Ayanokoji love affair.

She spit her tea all over me when I told her, "HE CALLED ME PRINCESS!?"

I wiped the tea from my face with a napkin, "this happens almost too often, I think you're having fun drenching me in your spit and tea."

"Forget that, what else happened?"

"I put in a good word for you," I took a sip from my own tea, the supplement for smoking a cigarette like a douche bag.

"What other kind of word is there when referring to myself," she smiled triumphantly.

She got this excited over a title I use all the time, "Tamaki said he kicked you out of the host club but he didn't tell me why and I've been curious as to why you've been afraid to talk to him since we met. What did you do?"

She stiffened but regained her composure, "it was nothing really, a misunderstanding."

"What did you do Princess," I wasn't asking but I wasn't demanding either, I know when she's full of crap.

"I threw Haruhi's bag into the pond and then threatened her at the club," she hid behind her crockery before raising her voice ever so slightly, "she's a commoner and she was acting out of term playing rich kid."

"How did you know Haruhi was a girl? Tamaki seemed convinced she was a guy today."

"You can get a lot done when you put your mind to it, lackey. It was after I was dismissed from the club I decided I would get my revenge but first I needed some dirt so I hired a Private Investigator and he returned with all the information."

"More like dishonorably discharged. You still want me to be friends with Haruhi?"

"Of course, you're my only chance right now of driving a wedge between them."

"I have Tamaki's trust now. It wasn't too hard to earn, actually it got easier the moment I mentioned you."

"I didn't give you enough credit Arthur."

"You used my name that time."

She smiled wickedly, "I guess I did."

She had her eyes on me only I wasn't afraid. We were both dropping the nice guy acts. I didn't even know I was acting until I met her. It's scummy to say but I like being this way with her. I like the control I feel with her. I like how helpless I am at the same time. I want her to tell me to do more stuff for her. She's paying attention to me. She's the kind of villain in a story book and I'm her flying monkey. I must be a masochist because I like the sound of that. I don't know if I can really call her evil but this feeling I have with her might as well be.

"Hey princess?"

"Yes?"

"Wanna go out with me instead?"

She smiled, "don't bother me with tedious questions."

"I didn't think you'd agree. Here's another one you won't agree to: apologize to Haruhi."

"Out of the question."

"But Tamaki-"

"I did nothing wrong, my only crime was love."

"Should I spit my tea on you now? That was so funny I could have laughed," I said growing bored with her stupidity.

"What did I say about tedious questions?"

"Do you like orange ice pops?"

"Tedious. But you've mentioned those before, what is up with you and Orange Popsicles?"

"Apologize to Haruhi and I'll tell you."

"If I do I won't mean it."

"You don't have to mean it, you just have to make them think you do. Driving a wedge between them will be easier if we both get close to them. You'll get close to Tamaki, I'll get close to Haruhi, and then we'll do something evil and then Tamaki will be yours."

"We're not evil, we're exposing Haruhi for what she is."

"A gold digger."

"I was going to say a girl but by all means, if you can prove that then do so."

"You should reward me for my services."

"What do you want?"

"An Orange Popsicle. You can have one too."

"You're so weird."

"But you like it."

"I wonder about that."

This is a good sign, she's wondering about me.


	4. Crushing Like a Fine Powder

**I'm not sure what this story is really about as I'm writing. Usually I have some central idea I wanna get across but this time it's become more of a day by day type story. I think it's kind of funny in a weird way that they started off wanting to be protagonists and have since started acting like antagonists. I'm not sure what this story really is yet so stay with me, the minute I break through this will all be totally awesome… maybe? This chapter is so crack fic I don't even care.**

"It's time to come clean and just say what's been on my mind for so long. I don't care about the cruel things that brought us together, I care about you. If you can forget about him and accept me then I promise I'll do everything I can to make you happy!

I looked at her and she looked back at me. This was it, I had confessed. What would she say? How would she react? Does she feel the same? I have to know. Please choose me, please choose me, please choose me-"

"Arthur you're reading out loud again."

I looked up from my sappy romance novel written for middle aged women with scum bag husbands and to Takahara and Suzushima sitting across from me. I was in another literary club meeting. I was reading out loud.

"You've been reading a lot of those books lately," Takahara said.

"Yeah, are you in love or something?" Suzushima asked.

Hayabusa looked up from his suspense corner, "It's that one red head right? I can't believe you would get a girlfriend before us?"

"No, it's more like I'm trying to help her get a boyfriend," I admitted.

"Why don't you just be her boyfriend then," Takahara said, not fully paying attention to me.

"Because I'm not the guy she wants to date," I responded.

"Well that's obvious, but you wanna date her right," Suzushima said with little to not tact as per usual, not that I cared.

"Suzushima show some tact. Arthur is obviously going the friendship rout," Hayabusa said like a detective, "It's easy and very common but is in the subconscious of young females enough to work! You simple minded fools, listen up. He does what he can to bring her and the man of her dreams closer together but along the way they spend more and more time together. She starts noticing his good parts and how cool he can be and boom! She chooses him in the end!"

"Except you're forgetting: Arthur Leon has no good points," Takahara grinned like the joker.

"Yeah he's the kinda guy who just does whatever whenever if he feels like it. He's lazy and doesn't care about anyone," Suzushima laughed.

I closed my book and stood up, adjusting my glasses looking down on them, "But I do care about her."

I made my way out of the club room and I heard Hayabusa cheering, "THAT'S THE KIND OF LINE IT TAKES TO GET THE GIRL! YOU CAN DO IT ARTHUR!"

The others joined in, "ARTHUR SENPAI YOU WERE SO SEXY COOL JUST NOW! IF SHE TURNS YOU DOWN DATE ME!"

I turned the corner and opened my book again but I wasn't able to read the words. I just said I cared about Princess Ayanokoji? Tamaki asked me if I liked her. So this is what it's like to like-like someone. My face twitched and I touched it. Something was weird. I hurried to the boy's bathroom and pushed my long bangs out of my face to actually look at my face. I was smiling and my face was beet red. I'm blushing.

"I love her," I said, but it felt meaningless.

"I like her," I said, my whole body twisted into a pretzel in embarrassment.

My whole life i thought I would be a blender or a toaster or some kind of other emotionless household appliance type robot. Something has clicked, I like her. I asked her to date me. Why did I ask her to date me!? Relax Arthur, she thought you were kidding because you're a comedic genius. Where's that place in Japan? Yeah, Osaka. She probably thinks I'm an Osaka Comedian. Comedian Bacon… Canadian Bacon… I'm hilarious. I looked back at my own face and slapped it to get out of this hell of a brain spasm. I took off my glasses and splashed my face with water… no wait! THAT'S SWEAT! I'M SWEATING AGAIN!? Does that mean I was crushing on that girl in middle school? I dry heaved in the sink, no puke.

"I'm sorry mom," I washed my face for real, "I can't get a rich husband yet. I'm looking for a rich wife currently but if things fall through I'll pursue Handsome Voldemort instead… wait… things would only fall through if Princess Ayanokoji winds up dating him… hmm… does he like her? I'm so insecure right now!? It's kind of nice… I feel really normal… I should keep reading that book for tips and tricks. Pro tip-"

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP! I'M TRYING DROP A SHIT IN HERE!" Yelled some guy in a stall.

"Sorry about that, I didn't realize I was talking out loud," I used a towel to dry myself off, put my glasses back on, and picked up my things and made a run for it.

In my running who did I bump into!? I BUMPED INTO HANDSOME VOLDEMORT HIMSELF- TAMAKI SUOH! We fell in such a way it was as if we were in a manga. I landed right on top of him, my glasses flew right off my face, our books went flying, and our lips ghosted. My heart was pounding like a kid playing the drums using pots and pans in the kitchen and the mom has a headache but the kid can't hear her screaming over his own fire mix tape! What am I thinking about!?

"T-Tamaki!?"

He sat up, "You read that manga too?"

I sat on his lap for a moment, I couldn't see him but I could feel his face was so close to mine. He was trying to get up.

"Arthur? Could you get off of me," He asked in French, wow French is such a sexy language.

"Yeah," I rolled off of him and he picked up my glasses for me and stuck them on my face.

I helped him pick up his books and our hands met when we were picking up my cheesy romance novel. I left my hand where it was and he very casually moved his away. What's up with this role reversal? I'm usually the calm one while he's freaking out.

"What do you have this book for?"

"I was strategizing, these women know how to husband hunt" I took it from him, calming down.

He smiled and started laughing, seeing through the things I say to what I meant, "If you needed help with getting that girl to notice you you could have asked. I'd have helped you, no problem."

I cracked a smile too and wound up laughing thanks to my mood swing, "I just feel so bad asking for your help all the time, even if it's not to your face. I keep thinking about you and what you would be like."

He stopped laughing and so did I, why was he staring at me like that.

"Sorry, I've just never seen you smile or laugh like that before, it threw me off guard."

He awkwardly scratched at his nose, I returned my face and voice back to normal, "Does this make you more comfortable?"

He smiled, "Just talk to me more often and I'll be comfortable with you no matter what you do."

I was falling in love with him all over again but then again so was everyone in the hallway watching us. The few kids who spoke even the slightest French were freaking out. Why does this school consist mostly of girls? I could feel the fire in their hearts ignite, but why? We were just two guys… on the floor… holding hands for brief seconds… Oh yeah. God bless Japan and their peculiar pastimes. The two of us stood up, Tamaki helping me out like a seme. He nodded to allow our interaction to finally end but before he fully turned away from me I used my free hand to take a hold of his and said clearly in Japanese,

"Tamaki… No homo."

He smiled again, "Bro."

And with that rumors about me and Tamaki spread like wildfire but at least I had calmed down from my earlier literal heart attack. In love with Princess Ayanokoji? That's silly, I just want to date her or something. I just wanna hold her hand and have her step on my face with her boot. It's nothing serious. It's just a passing flirtation. I just have to remember that this is my last year of high school and when I go to college I'll never see her again. Life is good, Life is grand, Life is… I'll never see her again…

"Can I handle that," I mumbled to myself suddenly sweating again, I need to start carrying body deodorant or something- I sweat a lot.

It's after school so Tamaki was on his way to the host club, they must not be open today. An event must be coming up. Maybe it's a formal dance or some kind of cosplay thing. Maybe they'll film that sequel I low key want. Maybe Tamaki would let me tweak the script this time to be more coherent. I wonder if her majesty will let me come over to hear Tamaki's lonely prince one liners again. Whoever wrote that trash knew how to market to their audience and I was a total sucker for it.

I went to go meet her in our usual spot, out in the rose garden in the center of the maze, "Hey Princess, you'll never guess what happened."

She lunged at me and took a hold of my shirt collar in fury, "Are you trying to steal Tamaki away from me too!?"

"If he would have me," I said flatly but honestly.

She sighed releasing me, "You have the worst sense of humor."

As I thought, she can't read me like Tamaki can, "You're right. So, those girls sure do talk fast."

She seemed genuinely upset, like I actually had a chance of taking him. She returned to her iron outdoor chair by her tea and I leant over her and wiggled my glasses at her again.

"No, you're right. It's just rumors, I shouldn't let them affect me so much," she conceided, I realize now that me wiggling my glasses at her give her the impression that I understand her. I've never been good at saying stuff to make other people feel better but then Takahara was right in that sense: I've never cared about anyone before. If wiggling my glasses gives her a fill in the blank to have me say whatever it is she needs to hear then I'll do it as much as she likes. One day she's going to want me to talk to her for real though, not as Arthur Leon the straight face funny guy but as something more than that. I'm gonna have to talk to her like a friend, as a real friend. I wanna be that guy if possible.

"I've been thinking of shaving my head," I said to cut the silence and return us to our normal antics.

"Arthur are you an idiot?"

"... Yes."

It sure is different from the way we were a few days ago, it's like that evil aura is completely gone and we're just normal high school students… normal but excessively beautiful and wealthy… well one of us is. I thought I liked being evil and I do, it's fun in its own way. But maybe it's not being evil that's fun- it's her.

"Then how about a piercing?"

"Huh?"

"We could both get one, or tattoos or something. It'll be like a blood oath."

"Arthur you're beyond weird today."

She's right. I realized I like-liked her and I had a mood swing. I kissed Tamaki today too and now I'm looking for excuses to speak. I don't want to narrate today. I want to actually talk to her. I want something to connect us for real. Would she let me kiss her if I leant in? Would she take me seriously then? Last chapter she was thinking about me but I know I'm fooling myself. Everything was handed to her her whole life, even me. I said yes without a second thought.

Ayanokoji is like "Please excuse me, I need to go to the restroom."

"Woah wait, you actually go to the bathroom? Do you crap too?"

"Silence pig," she scolded me, it was that guy in the bathroom that really triggered me to say that.

"Oink Oink. Come to think of it when I was a kid I had a super power."

"Was it being a super dork?" She tried to escape me.

"I could control my sweat and channel it to different parts of my body."

"Ew, why are you-"

"They called me Lubed Up Leon!"

"Please stop talking to me," and she left but I picked up my things and followed her.

"I wanted to go to your house today but I think I'll go to Tamaki's instead."

"Whatever," she was annoyed with me.

I thought if I told her something personal about me maybe she would think of me differently, maybe that was the wrong personal thing, "I think I have something on Tamaki and Haruhi though."

"Just do whatever, I'm done with you today. You're grossing me out."

I stopped in my tracks, this doesn't usually hurt me but I powered through it, "If I'm right then tomorrow I promise I'll make you happy!"

She stopped talking and turned around to look at me and I called out to her again, "If I'm right and I think I am… Tomorrow I'll be the one to make you happy."

Are you happy Hayabusa? I used a one liner! I'm totally cool right now.

She snickered, "Idiot. Fine, I'll see you tomorrow."

I did it, now I just have to run to the host club and see Tamaki- will that be okay? There's already a scandal between us? What am I saying? We aren't popstars, we're dudes. He called me a bro. Is it okay? I'll just go, if they're busy then they're busy and I'll leave. I'd send Tamaki a text but the less evidence I'm normal the better.

 **I was going to add more but then I was like "This is long…" So I'll leave it here. NEXT CHAPTER WE MEET THE HOSTS! There will also be some character development for Ayanokoji and shit and Arthur will have to make a big decision. The drama, the crack, the inconsistencies! This is what a request is.**


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